I had the most frigging amazing day ever yesterday, and today is going to be EVEN BETTER.
It was one miraculous encounter after another. I feel like the dam gates are open. Like I’ve been plodding along with nothing happening then WHAMMO – there is flooding.
I want you to remember that you are planting seeds. Things are happening beyond what your body’s eyes can see, and so do not get discouraged when it looks like “nothing is happening.”
Take it from me … I know.
I’ve been on this path over 10 years and there are many plains and valleys, and dips and mountains. Stretches of dry land where you can’t see for miles and days and months.
Keep going. As you practice these lessons, and change your mind, everything is shifting. You are making progress. Trust me. You won’t be able to see it as you cross the desert but one day – WHAMMO – you see the horizon. You see new signs of life. The location suddenly is different, and you realize that all that time when you thought nothing was happening you were actually progressing in the right direction.
Your map and Guide is A Course in Miracles.
My personal experience has been that my life goes in waves. I go through periods when it seems like absolutely nothing is happening. Like I made a HUGE MISTAKE in starting off on this journey. These “dry spells” can go for months, sometimes years, and during those times I always question my faith. I doubt. I feel like I’m failing. I feel like I should quit. I feel like God doesn’t exist. I feel like A Course in Miracles actually doesn’t work, and that I should just go do something else.
But always there is something that keeps me going. Always. I’m continually amazed. Long ago I stopped looking for results. One day I simply decided: I am going to be dedicated to God and to my brothers no matter if I never see a result ever again.
That’s faith.
I used to think I would only be dedicated to God if He was giving me something in return. Kinda like: “I’ll do my part if you do your part.”
Around this time God went completely absent from my life. God was nowhere. He wasn’t doing His part. He “abandoned” me. I couldn’t hear His voice. He wasn’t listening. I’d given my life to Him, and He was nowhere. I prayed for an answer and got no response. I prayed to see signs of His Hand working in my life, and I got nothing.
And then I would say: screw you then. I’m not doing my part either (like a big adult baby).
But then always, I would laugh. Who cares if God exists or doesn’t exist?? This will be your finest moment. When you realize you simply want to give and love because it feels good.
You’re the light of the world no matter what you believe.
I’m at the point where I actually can’t do anything else except extend this light. I’ve tried to contain it and be depressed and I can’t do it. It’s not possible for me. These lessons have worked their magic and it’s impossible for me to be sad.
So I’m going to extend the Love and Joy I feel no matter if I never get a visible result ever again.
Why?
Because Love is what I am.
It’s a little like you can’t stop being a girl if you are a girl. Because if you are a girl, then you are a girl. It’s clearly visible. You can fight it all you want, you can lose your faith, you can question it … but if you are a girl, you are girl and when you finally recognize that all of your beliefs will never change that fact, you will simple accept it. You stop looking for proof. You stop looking for signs. You stop praying for miracles.
(I realize this is NOT the best example in the world – forgive me – because in reality you are Spirit – which is neither male nor female – I find that I have both male & female qualities in equal parts – but hopefully you see the point I am trying to make)
There is no change … is what I am attempting to say.
All that is required is acceptance. Do you see how there is no transformation in this? You suddenly just accept that you are what you are. You let all false beliefs go. You stop fighting and you stop doubting … and you accept yourself as God created you, perfect.
Light is what I am. At a certain point, your light just naturally extends itself. You cannot contain it anymore. It just flows. You can’t do anything about it. Suddenly you don’t have a choice in the matter and you must love. Not because you make a decision about it in your human brain, but because that love is simply not containable anymore. It flows without your awareness.
So when I tell you I love you, I don’t even think about it. It just flows through me. Love is what I am and so love is what I give. I can’t give something else to you because I don’t have anything else.
And that’s really a miracle.
It’s an amazing thing to be dedicated to God when you can’t see Him, when it seems like you made a huge mistake following this path.
I can’t explain it. Perhaps you already know what I am trying to express here. But there comes a point when your logical brain wants results (and is not getting them) and there is a loud voice that tells you to quit … but at the same time there is a rock solid faith that is unshakable.
Suddenly you couldn’t follow another path even if you wanted to. It’s as if your feet are set firmly on the path to God, and you don’t have a choice in the matter.
So for me, for a long time, I fought it. I kept trying to go another direction. But I couldn’t. It was like in a movie where you see a larger force operating, and you know the human character doesn’t have a chance. You as the viewer know the character would be better off just SURRENDERING.
And that’s what has happened to me. A gentle surrender. One day I realized that fighting my destiny was never going to work. I would lose in every situation because God will win always. But of course, I have free will, so all my battles were just that: battles. God will let me rail and complain and bitch as long as possible. He’ll let me stay in hell as long as I want.
But I won’t win.
And when you finally come to this point: it is total freedom!
You let go.
You surrender.
You feel a tremendous burden go off your shoulders.
You feel a new lightness.
It’s marvelous.
Then you realize God is everywhere, and He’s been present with you every day even when you thought He was absent. He reveals Himself in all his Majesty and Power and Grace.
and you will then laugh at yourself that you ever questioned His existence.
The only thing that can ever possibly go wrong is that I lose awareness of my Identity. And that is all.
So, I had a great day yesterday with visible results. I know I’ll go through another dry patch – through miles of scorched desert – when it looks like it’s NOT working again. But I’ll keep being the light of the world, because THIS PATH HAS CHOSEN ME.
I didn’t choose this path. It chose me.
Light is what I am.
God is what I am.
I can either resist it and stay in hell, or let go and be happy.
How simple.
Here are today’s workbook lessons:
1. God goes with me wherever I go.
2. God is my strength. Vision is His gift.
3. God is my Source. I cannot see apart from Him.
4. God is the light in which I see.
5. God is the Mind with which I think.
Facebook comments:
“One day I simply decided: I am going to be dedicated to God and to my brothers no matter if I never see a result ever again.”
Letters from Mother Teresa were released which talked about how she had not felt profound faith since her early 20s. That, in spite of the fact that she couldn’t ‘feel’ God anymore, she continued to dedicate herself to God.
You are in good company.
awe,
i was just diggin on what hayden wrote. ditto.
thank you
Today I had a miracle occur! Actually when I think about it, they have been occurring every day, I just may not recognize them. I was reading Chapter 23; III & IV. When I got to this part of ACIM, things really began to happen. I actually felt a 180 degree shift in my vision. I could see the world through God’s eyes, not my body’s. It was just an instant…but incredibly powerful. It’s so important not to give up. I have been prepared, step by step, by God, my Creator to accept His Word and Truth. This path was chosen for me and I chose to accept it. It’s beautiful to behold it as it unfolds like the petals of a rose. God bless all! A great quote I ran into today: “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other as if everything is.” …..Einstein