Review Lessons:
My grievances hide the light in the world in me.
My salvation comes from me.
I don’t really talk about my personal life so much anymore – either in this blog or in person. I feel like my “body’s serial adventures” are really not that interesting. I am much more interested in what goes on in the mind.
Last night the energy shifted in me. It is always amazing to witness. I was lounging around, reading, like I always do, at 11pm, and suddenly I realized I was in a slump. I felt heavy and tired. I realized I’ve been sleepwalking through life these past few weeks. In a coma. Taken over by unconscious habits.
It’s interesting how unconscious habits sneak up on you, and take over. You don’t even notice it till you snap out of it.
It was interesting to witness. I suddenly became aware of my condition.
And then I made a conscious decision that I was done with that life – done with being tired and heavy – and in that instant, the energy moved.
It catapulted me out of bed.
I am sure you have all experienced this before. Where one minute you are lounging around, cruising the internet, bored, and the next minute your coat is on and your car keys are in your hand (or your running shoes are on) and you don’t even know where you’re going, but suddenly you have a tremendous amount of energy, you feel all excited for no particular reason at all, and without any effort the energy MOVES.
It moves you. It moves you out of your chair, out of the bed, out of your old life.
So last night at 11pm, I came out of a coma. It felt like coming out of winter hibernation. I started cleaning out my fridge and cupboards and starting chucking all sorts of junk into garbage bags. Then I decided to take it out to the garbage, right then and there, which required me to get dressed, and once I was outside I decided: I might as well take my neighbor’s dog (who I am taking care of for a week) for a walk. The dog was thrilled. We started running.
That’s right. Running!
Me!
At 11pm in the dark. I live out on a quiet country road. No paparazzi. We just kept running and running. I had my winter coat on because it’s still freezing cold here in Wisconsin but it was one of those moments where you think: I’m going to remember this forever.
Then I came home and scrubbed my bathroom like it’s never been scrubbed before. What the heck??? I had out the Clorox, the mops, and the sponges. I was down on my hands and knees scrubbing like my life depended on it. haha. Resurrection. Thank you God. Then I slept like a baby.
Maybe coma is not the best word for it. Or maybe it is the perfect word. I feel like I just woke up from a long nap. I don’t know if words can describe it, but I’m gonna try. It’s like you live within a certain energy frequency, and it feels comfortable & safe: you have your routine, you do what you do, but suddenly it’s not comfortable anymore. You start to feel like you want things to be different. I have the experience that before the energy shifts, everything feels stale and old, like life is just a routine and you are simply going through the motions.
Suddenly what was once comfortable and safe becomes uncomfortable and intolerable.
You suddenly realize you need to make some changes.
So for example, I used to drink and smoke. That was a particular frequency of energy that I lived in. But then it started to get uncomfortable and I wanted to move into a new frequency – to have a new life – and then the energy shifts, and that world of drinking and smoking was left behind.
Here’s the cool part: you keep moving higher and higher and higher.
It never ends!
This is the reason I never say that I know something definitely as if it is written in stone, because then I would be stuck in that particular frame of time & space, when really I always want to be going into brand new territory, to keep releasing the past, releasing my habits, releasing my ideas, keeping an open mind, and letting myself be brand new every moment.
So, today’s review lessons:
My grievances hide the light of the world in me.
This has become so obvious now. Why would I hang onto a grievance? It serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever. I can let all grievances go. Right now. Today. Reminding myself:
“I have no need for this. I want to see.”
My salvation comes from me.
“I will not look for it outside myself. It is not found outside, and then brought in. But from within me it will reach beyond, and everything I see will but reflect the light that shines in me and in itself.”
