Dear Lisa,
One of the things I read in your book Gorgeous for God was about “no compromise”. I’ve been making sure the last couple of days that I do exactly how I am instructed in the workbook lessons of A Course in Miracles. I’ve also been trying to be more mindful of my thoughts. Yesterday’s lesson was #17, I see no neutral things. On lesson #16 I was thinking, “I know I don’t have any neutral thoughts, I know thought is cause.” But, no, I didn’t really know because during the last couple of days I have been paying attention to the thoughts I have and if I knew I have know neutral thoughts I wouldn’t dare think some of the thoughts I had. Yesterday, I had some terrible negative thought and I don’t remember exactly what it was, but after I had that thought, I said to myself, “Yuck! That was NOT a neutral thought!” And immediately the part in your book that came to mind was when you were talking about mistakes and you make mistakes a lot and you used the example of gossip. You knew it was wrong and then you did it anyway and you felt so terrible about it that you would never do it again. That’s how that thought made me feel.
I’ve also been keeping in mind to be like Jesus said and give twice as much as someone asks. I tried to do that as much as possible all day yesterday and I had a great day at work. I made sure no matter how stubborn or cranky the kids were that I would still give them my full attention and make sure they completed everything they needed to. And they did! And they liked it! When my boss asked me to do something I went above and beyond what she asked. I helped everyone I could see that needed help and we all managed to get done with preparing for the next days class earlier than we normally do. We actually left on time yesterday which is rare for a Thursday.
I know I’m ready to give these lessons all I’ve got. I’m done playing around! (These words may come back to haunt me, but right now I mean it.) I can do it. Ok, enough with the pep talk.
Have a great weekend and I will talk to you again soon.
Love, Carrie
and here is her follow-up letter that I rec’d last night:
We’re back! We had a great trip. The town was beautiful, our neighbors performance and the musician were absolutely awesome and the food was really, really good. The weather wasn’t great though. It was cold and rainy the whole time.
I am continually amazed at the effect these lessons are having on me. This weekend it was like someone turned the volume of my thoughts up. I can not believe how judgmental I am! I noticed there is some judgment thought following everyone and everything I see. I was starting to really get annoyed. All I could hear in my head was, “that house is pretty, that one is ugly, where did that person get those pants, what were they thinking, I like that, I want that and that and that!” When I noticed those thoughts though and then changed my thoughts to love and gratitude not only did I feel happier but my body actually relaxed. No wonder my neck is always stiff. With every change I see I become more and more motivated. The Course is so great!
I did concentration exercises nearly everyday for six years and it worked very well to improve my attention, but the one thing that seemed to get over looked was what my thoughts actually were. I learned how to keep my mind still, but the focus of the exercises weren’t concerned with the quality of thoughts in the mind. There was some work done to eliminate obvious negative thoughts for health reasons, but I have never been so aware of my thoughts until now. Even though I’m not happy with some of my thoughts, I am happy that I am aware of them now. Now I can change them.
One of the paradoxes of this kind of work for me was figuring out how thought works.
If I do choose my thoughts, I would have to had thought them already, otherwise, if there were no thoughts yet, how could choose them?
On the other hand, if we really can only have one thought at a time, how can there be thoughts to choose from, plus the thought of a choice.
Questioning this kinda stuff, after I gave the WB it’s year of application, helped me to understand the illusory nature of the ego thought system and the world and laws it makes, the “overness” of time, and the fact that all my thinking and therefore seeing/experiencing the separation are mindless effects of one tiny mad, impossible idea. That the very structure of self and the world cannot stand up to a reasonable inquirey instigated by ACIM. That awakening is a piecemeal, dream undoing of a dream. That I have to make choices and decisions to ‘get out” BECAUSE I made up choice and decision “to get in” in the first place.
I mean, hello, if reality is singular and changeless, what sort of decision or choice could there be?
As a student of ACIM, I am always amazed when I pay attention and NOTICE the miracles in my life. Perfect example: My husband and I took our new puppy and cat for our maiden voyage in our 5th wheel this past 5 days. While we were crazed because the cat and dog are getting to know each other and we continually had to move one animal to a different room …. and all the necessary paraphenalia, we wound up looking for a house in Grand Junction, CO. We have always wanted to retire there..and wouldn’t you know we found one! We signed the contract on faith, because we have to sell our house as well in the Denver Suburbs. The miracle was that I stopped criticizing myself for how I was doing or not doing ACIM. We get home and realized…”Oh, NO” we’ve made a mistake. Then my husband gets a call from a company whose pilot retired in Grand Junction…a definite miracle. We do not know what is going to happen but I have asked the Holy Spirit to guide our way through this. My husband does not read ACIM, but everyday I say to him…”Miracles do happen you know!” And they have been showing up regularly!
Thanks Lisa, for all of your love, it helps “center” me and get me back on track when I feel I have “lost my way!”
Love,
Carol