Yesterday while at Starbucks, I hit a car while backing out of the parking lot. I was really upset. I thought I hit a parked car, which didn’t make any sense to me, how I could have pulled over that far to hit a car that was parked?? But no matter. I thought that’s how the story went. So I pulled over, and I was visibly shaken and the woman and her mother were there and she was SOOOOOOOOO NICE to me. I mean, so nice. I was apologizing like crazy, saying OMG, it was totally my fault, I’ll pay for the damages, please forgive me etc.
And she was hugging me, and she was really sweet, and we got it all resolved. She called a cop to get a report (some paint scratches) and we decided to resolve it ourselves without insurance. She will get her car fixed and will send me the bill for damages.
So last night I’m sitting in bathtub, right? It’s 10pm. I’m relaxing. I’m calm and all of a sudden – IN A FLASH – I saw the scene again. SHE WAS PULLING OUT! She hit me! I laughed for a full hour. It was so funny to me. I saw the scene perfectly. She was pulling out.
I couldn’t believe it. I saw it entirely differently. By the time I parked my car, and got out, she was already out of the car (so I thought she had come out of one of the restaurants, and had seen me hit her parked car). I didn’t realize she was already in the car, backing out. Then she said “Let me move my car up”. I was so shaken and I said “okay”. It didn’t occur to me, in that moment, that she had been backing out. She got in, and drove the car back into the parking space. I’m standing there apologizing profusely.
Then when the cop came, we were standing next to her open car door and that’s when I realized her mother was already in the car, with her seatbelt on, which sent off this signal throughout my body … but I ignored it.
One thing I was thinking while standing there: how the hell did I hit a car in the opposite lane???
I’ve pulled out of that Starbucks parking lot every day for the last 7 years. I’ve never in my life been in an accident. I’m the most cautious driver, ever.
But really, I thought I must have just pulled over too far and hit a parked car and that it was my fault. I am always happy to take full responsibility.
So to actually see the whole scene in my mind last night was a marvelous gift to me.
It was like the Holy Spirit was flashing me a glimpse, to look again. I saw the scene perfectly. And then I couldn’t stop laughing. I laughed for over an hour. I pray at night on my knees, and it is usually in semi-seriousness – going over the events of the day, being in gratitude, etc. – and last night I couldn’t stop laughing. My cats were lying there on the bed in front of me, and I had my hands clasped in prayer and I kept bursting out giggling.
She must have known she was backing out. She must know that she hit me. I am actually wondering how she is telling the story to people.
I seriously thought I hit a parked car. Honestly, it didn’t make any sense to me. I was just about to put the car in DRIVE when Boom!! And then it was: oh shit, shit, shit, I hit a car, I hit a car. Oh no, Oh no. Oh no.
That’s never happened to me. It was really shocking. It came out of nowhere. There was no one behind me, the path was clear, and then Boom! I can’t imagine how it must be for people who get into real car accidents.
One thing I’ve learned is that you cannot escape the effects of your thinking. You might be able to fool other people, but you cannot fool yourself. You know when you’ve done something wrong. You know when you are at fault.
I love the scene from the movie The Family Man where Don Cheadle is an angel working in a convenience store, and a girl gives him $1 for a soda and he gives her back $9 (as if she had given him a $10 bill) and she pauses, looks at the money, realizes that she is being dishonest, and then takes the $9 anyways. And then he shakes his head and says to Nicholas Cage “did you see that? For $9.”
You could see the guilt in her. For $9, she lost her innocence.
And this is the place where you start becoming honest for all of your actions – not because you are trying to be a good person – but because guilt and dishonesty is literally poison in your system. It’s the reason people get sick.
You know when you are being dishonest. You can fool other people, and make other people believe your story … but you are actually pouring poison into your system.
I am happy to keep things the way they are, and to take full responsibility, but I cannot help but think “this must be affecting her.”
Meeting her was the highlight of my day. She was so nice. It felt like we were destined to meet, like God set up an encounter for us, and the only way to get us to meet was to crash our cars into each other.
Sometimes that’s the way God works, and that’s why you don’t have to be upset about anything … because everything is a gift from God.
What a blessing.
Facebook comments:
Great story!
so funny, that very same day…guess what…i hit a parked car (!) tried to ignore it…drove away..but had to come back to it….guess i realized in a moment that i did not want to loose my innocence for some money…or maybe i just felt immediately that I had to live with the guilt…i knew the whole story …the owner of that car did not ..beacuse he was asleep at that time…
thank you for sending out your story, …that must have reached me right on time … there is no coincidence…